Falling Outs and Screw Ups
by chalantness
Summary: These were the moments that defined them, the falling outs and screw ups and breakings points that counted for a lifetime. But one way or another, they were going to get it right.


**Fandom.** PuckRachel

Disclaimer: Glee © Fox/Ryan Murphy

* * *

**Falling Outs and Screw Ups**

* * *

Yeah, he knows Rachel Berry.

Considering that the Lima Jewish community was almost as nonexistent as the Lima Asian community in comparison to, well, everyone else, it was hard to avoid it.

But no one outside that small community would've known that, during one of those annual picnic things, they had a lack of other kids really worth playing with than each other. So he pushed her on the swings, and down the slide (once, and not extremely hard), and they played hide and seek and, okay, it was the most fun they've both had in their young lives.

At the end of the day, she managed not to get a speck of dirt on her dress, and he thought it was pretty cool.

"Bye, Noah," she waves timidly. Her Dad and Daddy are waiting beside his Mom and Dad, and they are just kids, how were they supposed to say goodbye, exactly?

"Okay," because he has nothing better to say.

She giggles and lays a quick kiss on top of his forehead, and it was his first (on his forehead, he means).

So maybe he turns a little red but _she_ kissed _him_, and he knows it is supposed to be the other way around, so he grabs her arm before she can turn away and pecks her lips, feeling her flush underneath the coo of _aw_s from the watching adults.

(It is her first, too.)

* * *

His Dad just left them and he is fuming, and confused, and grabs a jacket because he knows it'll be cold. At least he used his head, sort of.

He walks around for what feels like hours (forty-five minutes) and winds up at that same park.

"Damn."

It's his first curse word, which he picked up from his Daddy-dearest, which will inevitably lead to developing a mastery of the colorful language, much to his mother's dismay.

He walks around some more, just around the park, in circles, before his legs get tired and he sits himself on the swing but doesn't have the effort to push himself back and forth. He is so wrapped in his thoughts, which are a lot of things, that he doesn't notice a girl, a petite one, entering the park and staring at him for a long moment.

"Noah!"

He nearly jumps out of his skin (which he won't admit, ever) and is tackled backwards by the sheer force of her hug, landing on his back with her on top (something he might admit).

"Goddamn, Rach!" he mutters, watching her eyes widen a little because she is never, ever allowed to say bad words.

But tears are in those big eyes and she hits his chest a couple of times, wailing incoherently, something about being such an idiot (that's not a bad word, right?) and just disappearing and how scared shitless (not her words) she was hearing he had just disappeared.

When she finally calms down from her temper-tantrum, he is just staring up at her.

"Say something!" she cries desperately.

"Have you ever considered joining the football team?"

She blinks. Okay, not what she expected, but she knocked him over and she's only, like, two pounds, and it's kind of cool.

"No."

Okay, maybe she won't but now he kind of wants to.

* * *

"Quit it."

"What?"

It's middle school now and he knows everyone hates her and maybe she doesn't quite get the message yet but she knows how unpopular she's becoming and it hurts his rep, too. So maybe he chose his reputation over her and they went from playing at each other's houses every day after school to going a couple weeks (two and a half months) without talking, but he thinks she understands.

(She doesn't.)

"Finn," he mutters. "Quit staring at him."

She has this bewildered look and he thinks she might be the world's greatest actress or she is just that oblivious to the rumors circulating in their freakishly small school. "Noah, I—"

"It's Puck!" he yells. She still calls him Noah, still, as if they are still close. He hates it because the other guys don't know what to make of it and, honestly, he doesn't know what to make of it either. "Look, he's got a girlfriend. It's Quinn Fabray."

Sure, the two were official as of two days ago but he figures she's seen them flirting so it's worth a shot.

It is.

She has this crestfallen look on her face. He thinks he's supposed to be satisfied now, but he's not. Not at all.

"My love life is none of your business!"

He blinks.

"And listen, _Noah—_"

"It's Puck!"

"No, it's not, it's _Noah!_ Noah, Noah, Noah! And you know what, you are- are _very_ aggravating right now!"

It's the first time since that night in the park when he'd gone A.W.O.L. since she's raised her voice at him, ever, but it's completely different from then. They both know it.

His fist tightens around his Big Quench, popping off the lid, but she either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore it, because she is still staring him down with this piercing glare and this the most hostile they've ever come close to with each other.

"I don't know what happened to that little boy I knew growing up, but ever since you joined that stupid team, he's been gone and it sucks, okay? So don't tell me to do anything, and don't-"

He isn't sure how it slips, but one moment she's talking (yelling), and the next, there are icy grape chunks in her face.

She blinks spastically again, getting some in her eyes, and maybe that's why he thinks he sees tears, or is she really crying? Crap.

"_Noah!_"

She is fuming, melting it all off with her rage.

And, as she stomps a ballet flat-clad foot onto the ground and walks away, he thinks he sees her lick her lips.

* * *

She avoids him like the plague now, and doesn't even glance in their direction. She's not staring at Finn, anymore, so maybe that is his prize. It still sucks.

He still doesn't know why he's angry all the time.

Rachel gives him this _look_, as if he's supposed to know what it means, especially when he's with Quinn. Quinn is kind of awesome, like an anti-Rachel, but the only reason why he purposefully looks at her, and every cheerleader, is because he sees Rachel around and every time he does, she looks like she is about to burst into fresh tears.

He isn't sure what he's trying to accomplish anymore.

* * *

Freshman year. He and his boys make the team because they're the only ones with any real talent, and Coach Tanaka remembers them from middle school.

Finn is still going strong with Quinn and their names rhyme so he thinks it's kind of funny.

Rachel avoids him at the temple and during Jewish community meetings, which he thinks is kind of fucked up because she still chats with his mom and his little sister, but refuses to be within relatively close proximity to him unless absolutely necessary. His mom notices it, too, and brings it up constantly. He knew she always loved Rachel, and Sarah adores her, and it's torture, really.

It's like they never knew each other.

He hates it more than the cold shoulder because she doesn't even seethe when he inconspicuously flirts with Quinn in her presence or makes out with every Cheerio, especially Santana.

He tosses slushies in her face, maybe because he wants some form of attention, but she holds her chin high and still ignores him, going straight to the bathroom each time.

Well, damn.

* * *

They're sophomores now, life is pretty great since he's a stud and pretty much on top. He hears that a Spanish teacher (his, apparently, if he bothered to show up to half of his classes) is trying to revive the glee club. He doesn't think twice about it. Sure, he plays guitar now, and maybe he likes singing, but it's not worth the social suicide.

But ends up joining anyway, and he knows it's worth it because her jaw drops upon seeing him.

They talk once, maybe twice, but it's the most they've talked since she yelled at him in the seventh grade and it's progress.

So, maybe he's got this pregnancy ordeal with Quinn and he'll be damned if he let her think he was going to let her pass it off as Finn's. He's just playing along because, fuck, what is Rachel going to think? But he remembers how one day, pre-glee, he tossed that another slushie into her face and she had this disappointed look in her eyes, and said, "You're no better than your father, Noah."

He was pissed, _fucking_ pissed, and he knew how much Rachel hated Quinn, and he was kind of drunk himself, and Finn pretty much nabbed Rachel from him, so he just went for the kill.

_Pregnant._

Now both Rachel and Quinn hate his guts and he's fucking sick of it, so the truth sort of comes out.

When he thinks back to that night, he still didn't know what he was trying to accomplish then, or now, really.

* * *

He sits next to her in glee club, and it doesn't go unnoticed. "Noah?" He pretends to not have heard her. From his peripheral vision, he sees her roll her eyes. "Noah, I know you can hear me."

"What if I just want to sit here?"

"Conveniently close to me, when we haven't spoken in, what? Two years?"

"Not two years," he mutters.

This guilty expression takes over. "I'm sorry about what I said before."

"Let it go, Rach." He hasn't called her that in, well, forever, he's sure. "I barely remember it."

"No, Noah. It was wrong of me. It was my anger speaking, so I'm sorry. You're nothing like _him_. But with everything that happened, I just don't think I can do this anymore."

He looks at her. "What?"

"You and I are too different now. We're not those little kids anymore." She shrugs one shoulder. "I just don't think it's going to be worth it for either of us."

Mr. Schue walks in before he can give a response. He figures she's probably right (when is she not?). But then Mr. Schue is giving this speech about the importance of differences and he's kind of staring right at them when he says that, "sometimes, things are so different they don't feel like they go together. But the big difference between them is what makes them great."

He hates to admit when a teacher is right.

* * *

"You're no better than them, Noah. Why can't you date a Jewish girl?"

Okay, maybe his mom was being all emotional like she always is when watching that movie (or any movie), but with everything going on, it takes a harder hit than she probably intended.

Plus, it doesn't help that lately he's been dreaming about this beautiful girl whose face he never sees, who sings like an angel as he pushes her on the swings, and then that night he dreams about Rachel climbing through his window.

He's pretty sure it's all supposed to mean something.

* * *

The look on her face when he doesn't toss the slushie at her is priceless, but he's on a mission, and it might hurt his cause to start laughing.

"I picked it up for you when I was buying dip," he lies, shoving it into her hand. "It's grape. I know it's your favorite because the last time I tossed a grape one in your face, you licked your lips before you cleaned yourself off."

He swears he sees a hint of a smile when he says this, somewhere underneath all the blank confusion.

The last time he tossed a grape one was the very first slushie he'd tossed at her, two years ago, and she probably thinks it's kind of awesome that he still remembers.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to work together on some mash-up ideas."

She stares at him.

He kind of expects to hear a _no_ or some sort of gentle let down, especially after her little speech from the other day.

"Okay."

* * *

Her Dad and Daddy still remember him, gushing over him when he shows up on their doorstep until Rachel runs down the stairs and manages to shoo them away. He smirks a little because they are exactly as he remembers, and because she sort of pauses when she sees the guitar in his hands.

"You play?" she asks.

"Yup." He pops the p and smirks. "Kind of hot, huh?"

She rolls her eyes and he laughs and this is probably the most normal they've been with each other since they were both the same height.

"So did you have any songs in mind?" He looks at her, and he swears he sees a smirk. "Of course. Luckily, I've prepared my own list, so you can play along on your guitar how you see fit."

"Of course."

She laughs and picks up her brush.

* * *

An hour later, his guitar is against her dresser, and they're making out on her bed. Her hair feels like silk and her lips taste sweet, like he remembers from their first kiss when they were eight.

"I can't do this!" she exclaims, pulling away, and everything feels colder without her body there.

He stares at her. Her cheeks are bright pink, her hair is perfectly out of place, and her lips are a little swollen, so he doesn't see the problem. He only believes half of the words that come out of her mouth (mainly because she is speaking so fact he only catches half of what she is saying), but it ends with, "Your arms are lovely, but, I just don't see us working out."

She looks away.

He has a feeling this has everything to do with Finn. _Finn_.

Sure, he's his bro, and maybe he kind of drove her to it, but he saw how Finn acted, as if he cared for Rachel. Maybe he did, but he has Quinn, too. He was leading them on.

"Fine," he mutters, and she doesn't watch him as he gets off the bed and snatches his guitar up.

He can get over her. If anything, he can go to Santana and forget this all happened. It was that easy, that simple. He's learned to deal.

But then he watches a picture she taped to her mirror, a small one, of the two of them during that first picnic. It looks in perfect condition, as if it's never been touched, and when he looks back at her, he decides no chick, especially Rachel, gets rid of him that easily.

* * *

He gets the band in on it, and knows the chords by heart, and no, he's not the least bit nervous. Rachel's in the front, very front, and he's not nervous.

Puck doesn't do nervous.

So maybe Finn and Santana and Quinn are giving him these looks when he's playing but Rachel is smiling like crazy and singing along so he figures he can let it all slide for now. Everyone erupts into a cheer and Rachel is nodding her head furiously, clapping her hands, and it's the best he's felt in awhile.

* * *

She talks, a lot. But she always has, and he's used to it.

"You're still missing the allusive high B that's a brass ring for a baritone. I had to work on it for weeks with Finn before he got it."

_Finn_. There's that name again.

Only this time, she squeezes his arm lightly and beams at him, like she has been for awhile now. He realizes that her eyes sparkle a lot lately, like he remembers from their childhood. "You're a great performer, Noah. I just want to say how proud I am to have you on my arm in front of the whole high school."

Which was fucking awesome and all, until he is met with something cold and stinging to his face seconds later.

So _that's_ how those feel.

* * *

He feels like an ass. A _total_ dick, because she's cleaning him off, laughing softly, as if this is nothing. But it is. _He_ used to do this to _her_.

After all the crap they both went through, he hates this the most. It feels embarrassing and he can tell she's trying to be strong because she wants to be there for him, but she should feel satisfied for the revenge, that he finally got a taste of his own medicine, but she just feels horrible, like this is all her fault.

And, with what he's about to do, he feels even more of an ass, and she knows what he's thinking, too.

"You're choosing football over glee which means we probably can't be together anymore." He thinks he's never seen someone so heartbroken than this girl sitting on his lap right now.

"Yes. Damn, I feel like such a bad Jew."

She cracks a smile that doesn't reach her eyes and kisses his forehead like when they were eight. And then she is gone.

* * *

Maybe he doesn't want to lose her again.

Maybe it's because his mom has been glowing since he first told her (accidentally) he was hanging out with Rachel again.

Maybe it's because her Dad and Daddy bring food over all the time and are pretty much as euphoric as his mom since he first came over.

Maybe he wants to show her, or Quinn, or her that he can be better than Finn.

Whatever his reason, when he, Mike, and Matt watch Finn gear up and leave for practice, he doesn't feel at all doubtful about not going out there with him.

* * *

"Are you sure about this, Noah?"

Worrying about him, she's always worrying about him. Pretty soon, she'll have to get a new hobby.

"Choosing us"—choosing _her_—"over the team means you might get a slushie in your face _every day_." As if he cares about that, because he doesn't.

Maybe he'll miss playing, but their team was crap, anyway, and he doesn't want this to be a sappy moment out of a chick-flick, so he tells her, "Bring it," and her face lights up and she hugs him, tight, and he realizes he kind of loves holding her.

* * *

Okay, he misses football more than he realizes, which is dumb because the only reason he thought twice about football was because of her, and now he had her.

But, as he sees the big, red "5" on the field, he thinks maybe this isn't about football at all.

And then she comes, her tone serious and underlined with regret and definitely some guilt, and he already knows what is coming before the words are out of her mouth.

But _why_ him? Why always Finn?

Okay, maybe he looks at Quinn on occasion, but he's the mother of his child who refuses to give him so much as the satisfaction to let everyone know that the baby is actually his. Quinn chose Finn over him, and now so was Rachel. "Because you're kind of a jerk. _No offense._"

He does want it too much, and he doesn't know why. But his father abandoned them, and he doesn't want his daughter to have that, too, or to think he didn't want her.

"Our relationship was built on a fantasy." _No, it was built on a childhood both of us forgot about._ Not that he'd ever actually say it.

"I just hope we can still be friends."

He lets his anger speak for him, not caring, at the moment, about its repercussions.

"We weren't friends before." Which is a lie, they both know it and he hates that he said it, but she lets him go anyway and he hates that more.

* * *

**A/n.** Puck/Rachel was my first glee ship ever but surprisingly this is the very first fic of them so sorry if I didn't quite capture them correctly.

I plan to continue this. Eventually. I just got stumped but I thought rather than letting this sit in my flashdrive and collect dust, might as well post it. If and when I do pick it back up again and continue, it'll go through the rest of Season One and the moments from Season Two and then probably AU until it ends at graduation. Maybe do an "epilogue" kind of thing when they're adults, but we'll see.

(It hasn't been edited for errors, by the way. I suck and am so lazy with self-edits. But I'll get to it in the morning.)

_So you read it. Love it? Hate it? Please review it!_


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